The Question

Since the dawn of time, mankind has seen its youth rise to greatness through an upbringing consisting of education, adequate dietary provisions, discipline, and of course, WWF wrestling. Sadly, in scattered settlements across the globe there are a few unfortunate youngsters who do not have access to basic resources such as water and electricity, and are even forced to go without watching wresting on TV.

Fortunately,  for the rest of us, particularly those who carry Y chromosomes, we have been reared upon a diet of choke slams, suplexes, and tombstones, worshipping idols such as The Undertaker, Hulk Hogan, and Brett ‘The Hit man’ Hart. As is common in arenas of greatness, where the limits of human endeavour are constantly being extended, emotion in wrestling is common, and I’m sure many of us hold teenage heartbreaks such as the death of the family dog alongside events such as Eddie Guerrero’s untimely passing or the time Vince McMahon stole the championship from Stone Cold (Ok, so maybe I know a little more about wrestling than most people).

However, hanging over wrestling, like the enormous shadow of “The Big Show”, has always been the question “is wrestling real”?

At Smartaboutwhat, we desire the truth. We yearn for it. We crave it in the same way that Chris Benoit (allegedly) craved massive amounts of steroids. Until the issue of wrestling’s legitimacy was resolved, I couldn’t sleep. Admittedly it wasn’t my conscience that kept me awake, but the Smartaboutwhat team beating me with rusted bicycle chains until I found the answer to the question (this happens a lot more than it should really – I need new locks on the doors)

The Plan

In our quest for the truth the path to enlightenment was simple – the AWA (African Wrestling Alliance) – easily found on the interweb and home to South Africa’s most hardcore professional wrestlers. Check out their site at http://www.awfwrestle.com/news.htm, they’re an organised bunch.

At the pinnacle of African Wrestling is Shaun Koen, reigning AWA Heavyweight Champion, and South African wrestling’s godfather. The Oprah of wrestling,  if you will.

American wrestler Jesse Ventura became governor of Minnesota after he hung up his tights and today, wrestlers like “The Rock” and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin are proudly associated with cinematic greats like The Longest Yard, The Condemned, and 2007’s unforgettable Race to Witch Mountain.

Shaun Koen is every bit as multifaceted as his American counterparts (he simultaneously runs a successful business and has the best “double sided” business card on the planet), and proves the perfect specimen of a successful and intelligent man inconspicuously disguised as a 6ft 6inch, 174 kg human wrecking ball.  Speaking to him, it is immediately clear how much he loves the sport of wrestling, and he serves a supportive role to the other wrestlers – passing on his knowledge, along with a little pain, to anyone who fails to escape his massive arms’ reach. The test was simple – step into the ring. Bring the heat.

The Test

I believe the common term describing the journey involving me finally stepping into the ring is known as under duress, but all I know is that one minute I was adorned in a skin tight gold body suit while people whispered “fresh meat” and “punch bag” under their breathe, then next there was a buzzing sensation running down my neck while several men in fancy dress took turns jumping at me from the top rope. The only thing keeping me going was the fact that I knew I had comprehensive disability and accidental injury cover from the chaps at Sanlam – thanks Louis, best R219.40 a month I’ve ever spent).

The Verdict

Wrestling can, and often does, result in people getting hurt. For the average man off the street who has no wrestling experience, and who doesn’t know how to fall, there is a large chance that he would die if he tried this kind of wrestling.

The truth is this: any sport that has members dressed up in costumes is going to have a large degree of theatrics, and if delivered correctly, many of the diving moves are not truly intended to kill the opponent. I see it like Super 14 Rugby – its main point is not to kill or maim others, but at the same time, the average person would undoubtedly be seriously injured were they to throw on a jersey and run out onto the field. I am rather certain that Shaun didn’t want to knock me out when he choke-slammed me, but the fact is I was ignorant to wrestling moves and didn’t know how to work with him to land properly. The other wrestlers were hugely helpful and keen to show me how to avoid getting really hurt during the moves. Wrestling is hard and heavy, but at the end of the day it’s about sporting fun, not killing people.

My final piece of advice?

Do NOT try this at home.